As men, one of the primary things we desire in this life is to have the respect of others. And as a Christian man, it shifts to an even deeper place, as it becomes an affirmation that we are living in a way that honors God. Furthermore, that desire for respect increases ten-fold when framed in the context of our own marriage. As a husband, I desire the respect and approval of my wife. And in moments where I have failed and lost her respect, everything feels completely off balance.

The way I see it, your wife’s deep and lasting respect for you hinges on your willingness to obey God in three key ways:

3 BIBLICAL WAYS TO EARN YOUR WIFE’S RESPECT

1. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37, ESV)

2. “Love your wife as Christ loved the Church.” (Ephesians 5:25)

3. “Love your wife as yourself.” (Ephesians 5:33)

1. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, SOUL, AND MIND

A Pharisee asked Jesus, “‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment’” (Matthew 22:36-38). Knowing and understanding this first and great commandment is vital to understanding the purpose of God in a believer’s life. But its relevance to the topic at hand can’t be overstated.

Within the context of a Christian marriage, nothing compels a wife to respect her husband more than when he loves Jesus with all his heart, soul and mind, and pursues a relationship with Him daily. This one spiritual dynamic covers many areas in a man’s life and they all help enable his wife to respect him.

So, husbands… please understand that your first love is not your wife. Your first love is  God. If you take care of your relationship with your first love, your second one will love, honor, and respect you beyond your wildest expectations.

2. LOVE YOUR WIFE AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH

In Ephesians, the Apostle Paul details key benchmarks in the way a husband must love his wife. And I can tell you that the greatest seasons of my own marriage have come when I’ve loved my wife this way. God created her heart and mind to respond to me in the most fulfilling ways imaginable when I do.

You may be asking, “What does that have to do with gaining the respect of my wife?”

And well, the answer to that is… everything.

In Ephesians 5:25-27, Paul says,
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

What does Paul mean when he says for us to love our wives as Christ loved the Church? Christ loved the church by giving Himself up for her. He sacrificed Himself for her wellbeing. He cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word; meaning, He invested in her by teaching her the precepts and words of the living God, and by being an example to her. And He did these things in order to help her (the Church) become holy and without blemish. Likewise, we must give ourselves up for our wife’s sake. We must lead her spiritually, by example, so that she, and your marriage, can be holy and without blemish in Christ.

God gave you very specific instructions on how to love your wife. Your love for her should be sacrificial; denying yourself, and putting her first. It must prioritize her well being over your own, and lead her spiritually to Christ. The Lord has called you to lay down self, and to be a humble, servant leader to her great benefit.

3. LOVE YOUR WIFE AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF

Finally, look with me in Ephesians 5:28-30.

Paul says,
“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.”

Paul goes on to finish chapter five with these parting words, “… each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

It’s a simple concept, but it’s much more complex and difficult to execute. We all know deep inside exactly how much we value our own safety, our own provision, our own health, and feelings, and boundaries. It’s not something we ever think about. But now that the idea has been planted in your mind… chew on it for a while. Consider what the Lord is asking of you, here. Loving your wife as much as you love yourself is an almost impossible ask. If we didn’t have the gift of the Holy Spirit, it would be absolutely impossible.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Prayer is so important, brothers. Pray daily, and ask the Holy Spirit to help you love God with all your heart, soul and mind. Ask Him to help you love your wife as Christ loved the Church. And ask Him to help you love her just as you love yourself. 

When you love your wife as the Lord requires you to her respect for you will grow immensely.