After 20+ years of blending a family we noticed some things. And we recognized some blended family challenges that are often overlooked.
We faced some unique circumstances that required a lot of selflessness. And with a lot of patience, plenty of understanding, and a willingness to work together, we got through it.
But, there were times when our situation was so complicated that we weren’t sure how to approach it. And with 7 kids, we got so wrapped up at times in the crisis-of-the-week, that we missed important details.
Consequently, we needed constant wisdom and guidance from God, and sought His Word to help us navigate through it all.
With that in mind, and based on our time in the trenches… here are five blended family challenges that are often overlooked:
Addressing the emotional needs of each family member
In a blended family, it’s important to focus on the emotional needs of each family member. This takes time and intentionality.
1 John 3:18 says, “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”
Certainly, to learn each person’s emotional needs requires sacrifice… and selflessness. But, this can be as easy as spending some alone time on a Starbucks date, or asking one of them to ride with you to the store.
Additionally, if you use that time to listen, and share, and laugh, it’s a great way to build trust and confidence. It’s also a way to cultivate healthy communication.
Assuring them that they can always come to you or your spouse, and that you’ll always be there for them, is vital.
To that end, seek the Lord’s help to create a loving and nurturing environment.
Your success in meeting all those needs will hinge on your reliance upon God.
Helping children adjust to new living arrangements
Adjusting to a new home can be quite difficult for children. And splitting time between parent’s homes can be too. It’s important that parents understand this.
An example of this is when kids have to spend time with one parent and miss the other, or feel settled in one home, and not at the other. The heartache this causes is sometimes unbearable.
Even so, we can help them feel comfort in knowing that God promises us His presence through every season. And teaching that to our kids can help them a great deal.
In Joshua 1:9, the Lord encourages Joshua by saying, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid…. for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
In light of that, we should remind our kids that God is always with them, even in unfamiliar surroundings. This can offer a strong sense of security.
As parents of adult kids, we’ve seen some positive results from teaching our kids that God is always with them. They learned to lean on Him in times of trouble and uncertainty, and to call out to Him when they’re alone and afraid.
Handling differences in discipline styles between bio-parents and stepparents
Discipline can be a sensitive issue for parents in blended families. It can be difficult to find common ground with parenting styles.
In fact, the styles are often quite different, and trying to blend them can cause real frustration.
But trust us when we say, you can do it!
As you continue to read this article you’ll notice there is a common thread throughout it: Pray and ask God for help!
Too often, we encounter difficult trials and we fail to do this. We can’t express with enough emphasis how important this is.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6
It’s important to remember that when you seek the Lord on this particular issue, He will help you work through it. And you’ll find new ways and compromises that smooth out all the rough edges.
Recognizing and addressing favoritism within the blended family
This is one of those elephants in the room that no one likes to talk about. It’s only natural that we’re going to have a deep love for our own flesh and blood.
We all have an almost unbreakable bond with our bio kids, rigtht?
Unfortunately, this dynamic isn’t an automatic thing when it comes to step parents and step kids. And it can sometimes feel like it will never happen.
Step parents, we know that you KNOW what we’re talking about! But, here’s the thing… we have to be careful, especially in the beginning, with fairness, and with how we divvy out our favor to all the kids.
In our case, we sometimes had to work harder than we expected to on this. But we kept working at it until we developed the relationships and deep love we prayed to have for our stepkids.
But even when our family relationships are healthy it can be hard to break the habit of favoring our bio kids.
Remember, favoritism can be a hurtful and divisive issue in any family; especially in a blended family. And addressing it requires some uncomfortable honesty and transparency.
As Christians, we’re called to show impartial love and kindness to all. In James 2:9, we’re warned, “If you show partiality, you are committing sin….”
Therefore, in being honest with ourselves and staying teachable, we can guard ourselves against partiality. And then we can nurture a spirit of unity and harmony in our homes.
Helping your step children navigate the grief of losing a bio-parent in divorce
Stepchildren separated from a bio-parent in divorce may be struggling and grieving. As parents, we can be so hyper-focused on “blending the family” that we lose sight of this.
Sadly, while we are celebrating our new lives, our kids may have broken hearts from the life they’ve lost.
However, we can offer comfort and hope to them by sharing God’s heart toward those who are struggling with grief.
Psalm 34:18 reminds us that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted….”
When you share this promise with your kids, and when you offer them love, support, and understanding… you can help them begin to find peace and healing.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, blended families face many unique challenges. And while no two families will face exactly the same things, it’s always best to prepare.
If we focus on the emotional needs of each family member… help our children adjust to new living arrangements… unify disciplinary approaches… avoid favoritism… and support our kids through loss and grief…
We can cultivate a healthy and harmonious home environment.
And remember the promise of Romans 8:28… that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him….”
May God bless our blended families as we navigate these challenges together.
Wayne and LeAnn Thomas
Wayne and LeAnn have a passion for healthy marriages. They created Anything Together to share their story and to build a community of married couples who are striving to be more Christ-like.
