Trust, understanding, and intimacy are all formed within the nurtured environment of healthy communication. Having said that, I want to talk to all the husbands out there. Because I believe I can help solve a problem you may be having in your marriage.

To be specific, I’m referring to a communication flaw where husbands are speaking opinions as facts. I haven’t heard this talked about much, and I think it can be solved with a simple communication hack.

So hang with me here for a couple of minutes. 

The Dilemma of Speaking Opinions as Facts

We often find ourselves in situations where questions need confident answers. And this is especially true when responding to questions posed by our wives. They ask, and we answer with certainty. Even though at times, let’s be honest, we aren’t 100% certain. 

Speaking opinions as facts can stem from a deep-seated desire we have to project competence and reliability. Men are expected to have the answers.

It’s instinctual that we solve problems and step into leadership roles. This includes roles within our own marriage and family. But the pressure to have all the answers is very real for men. And if that pressure isn’t handled with good moral character, we can slip into stating opinions, as facts.

And this instinct, while well-intentioned, can often lead to conflict and distrust in a marriage relationship. 

When we answer our wives’ questions with confidence, they believe us. This is because they trust us. And often, they’ll store that answer away to reference again when needed. But when our confident answers are secretly educated guesses, problems can and will ensue. 

Your wife, who may have had her doubts about your answer in the first place, then faces a dilemma. Does she correct you, and risk denting your pride? Or does she let it slide and risk having to deal with a recurring pattern of misinformation.

Or even worse… risk losing a precious commodity in any marriage… the trust she has in her husband.

The Consequences of Speaking Opinions as Facts

The ugliness in an exchange like that is that the husband is misrepresenting the truth. He’s conveying his opinion as fact.

Now, if you’re a husband like me, or your husband is like me, it’s possible he’s done this without even realizing it. And the consequences that follow could take him completely by surprise because of that.

His way of answering questions with factual sounding opinions has become almost involuntary. It’s a bad habit though, and I don’t want to sugarcoat it. 

In actuality, it’s a sin by omission. And the omission is an admission that he isn’t 100% sure of the answer even though he sounds like he is. 

Now, you may think I’m splitting hairs here. You may think I’m overstating the problem that this poses to marriages. And I’ll admit, it’s a relatively small issue in the grand scheme of relationships. But I can tell you it was a problem in my marriage.

Who am I kidding? It was a problem in me. And unresolved problems, no matter how small they are, become big ones. Ask anyone married for longer than a year. 

So there’s that.

The Biblical Standard

But there is also the matter of this Bible passage that we need to contend with:

Jesus says, “… Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37, ESV

Jesus was saying to speak the truth. And to put it in context for this discussion, saying yes when you mean no, or speaking an opinion as if it’s a fact… is wrong. It’s a lie. Anything that misrepresents the truth is a lie. 

So, what we say matters. A lot. Be sure you’re speaking the truth.

The Solution to Speaking Opinions as Facts

Now back to marital communication.

Transparency in communication is non-negotiable in a healthy and thriving marriage. And I admit, men are squeamish when you start talking about transparency.

But if a husband allows himself to be transparent with his wife, it fosters a healthy environment. It makes it so that, as a couple, you welcome and acknowledge questions. You don’t individually have to have all the answers.

And individual growth becomes a shared experience.

And this shift in dynamics can lead to a more harmonious and resilient marital bond.

The good news for us husbands is that there is a simple shift we can make… a hack, if you will, that will help us avoid this particular conflict, and maintain the trust of our wife. 

Here it is. (It’s easier than you think.)

Practice saying this phrase out loud: 

“I’m not sure, honey, but let’s figure it out together.” Or,

“I think it’s [blank], but I’m not 100% sure.”

It’s a simple change! Yet, it’s so powerful. 

I’m not kidding when I tell you… for some of you, this will quickly change your marriage for the better! 

And listen, I know I’ve been picking on the men a lot here. This just happens more frequently with husbands. But there is no denying the fact that there are some real “know-it-all” wives out there who dabble in the same bad practices, as well.  

Final Thoughts

Regardless of who you are though, it matters that your yes means yes, and your no means no. 

Speaking opinions as facts is an issue that can be resolved with simple honesty, and a willingness to be transparent. At least transparent enough to admit that you don’t have all the answers. Because, believe it or not, that can pave the way to a deeper, more meaningful connection with your wife (or husband). 

“I don’t know, Honey. I’m not sure.” 

Keep practicing…

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